I love my extreme Vietnamese boyfriend. He has dark skin and dances with no music. His farts are usually scent-less, but when they’re not, I can practically taste it. He makes yummy rice-a-roni, and knows how to make my cup of noodle just the way I like. He has the coolest bellybutton of all time and I like to smell it because it doesn’t stink. He always cuts his toenails, but he has a long prickly beard that he uses as a weapon. Sometimes he drives too fast, but when we do have mutual road rage he lets me passenger honk and use my middle finger all I want. He paints my nails better than I can, and he likes me even if I don’t shave my legs for a week. He is crazy, and I am crazy. And I love him.